The Evolution of me. - Paying Fitness Forward

It has been a while since my fingers have typed on these blog pages. Too long, in fact. I have been dealing with a lot and honestly I didn?t want to sound like a broken record. Life is an experiment? and sometimes the trials can be so overwhelmingly inconclusive that it becomes enraging? and a struggle? and although I may have wanted to give up? this will never happen.

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Losing over 100 lbs was the easy part. I know that sounds strange and absurd, but it is oh-so-true. If someone would have told me how much of a struggle it would be to KEEP IT OFF, I may have thought twice before I started. When you are approaching 300 lbs, small changes can make a big difference? and honestly, the weight can fall off if you are consistent and patient. I was REALLY good at losing weight. But now, it seems my body is saying? ENOUGH. And what?s that saying? ?Cut off your nose to spite your face?? I feel like that?s what has happened to me despite my unending efforts to continually make good choices with my health, nutrition, and fitness.

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Lately I feel I have ?tried it all.? And I don?t have the answers? for me. When you become a healthy person, who doesn?t eat a lot of processed crap, who exercises 6 days per week, who gets 8+ hours of sleep a night, takes all her vitamins and supplements? counts calories, eats low carb, high protein, Paleo plus some dairy, intermittent fasting, lifts weights?. where else is there to go?? I REFUSE to crash diet. I refuse to starve myself. I refuse to do cardio until I develop cardio anorexia. But? I also REFUSE to gain any more weight. Gaining back 20-30 lbs has seriously killed my confidence. And it is NOT for lack of trying.

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In October 2011 I started talking to my Dr about this. It seemed that while I was marathon training, I gained 20 lbs overnight. I was frustrated, and didn?t know what to do? my usual counting calories and working out (which had worked for SO LONG wasn?t working anymore.) She did some testing, checked out my thyroid levels, looked into putting me on a weightloss drug (phentermine ? which I refused to do more than a month), sent me to a nutritionist (who told me to eat 11 servings of grain per day. UGH), put me on anti-depressants, and just now? (finally) sent me to a DR (Dr Rohde) who is an expert in hormones? I feel like this may FINALLY be the missing link.

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Hundreds of dollars later (and I am sure hundreds more to go), here I am? on the verge of MAYBE having some answers. Sure, I am not perfect. I don?t eat 100% amazingly everyday. But it gets harder and harder to eat ?perfect? when you know it?s not going to make a difference? and your feeling defeated. But that doesn?t make it any better the next day? after eating ONE piece of cake I can easily gain 3-5 pounds on the scale. Water or not? doesn?t matter to me? it still affects how I feel and how my clothes fit.

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I was poked like a big girl, two vials of blood, and I will be spitting into some tubes in a few days? Full thyroid and hormone workup. I have no doubt that I have hormone issues. This has been evident since I was in my teens with awful PCOS symptoms, ovarian cysts, and painful menstruation. Not to mention, that while I was marathon training, funny things were happening? and I am sure that was hormonal as well. Dr Rohde also believes I have thyroid issues and that it was evident in my original thyroid testing back in December, so he is doing some more thorough tests.

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There are no miracle cures. Maybe my body wants to be 170 lbs forever. But I feel like I am on the edge of where I don?t want to go. Can I be happy here? Sure. But can I be happy edging closer and closer to the 200 mark, and eventually back where I was at 254? NO. Absolutely not. And? it?s so hard when I feel like I do most things ?right? to see nothing happen to help get the lbs back off.

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So that?s where I am. It?s all on the table. I haven?t written here for a while because I have been ashamed of how I have been feeling. I want to be SUCCESSFUL and positive. I don?t want to cast a shadow out there? there are ENOUGH shadows in the world. And, I struggle sharing my struggles? but I am a real person, trying to be fit and healthy. I don?t need to be extra skinny, or super model material? but just get me to that happy place of 150 (where most women consider themselves to be absolutely unbearably disgusting). I am happy being fierce, fit and fearless. I am strong. I am fit. And damn it, I want my body to reflect all the hard work I put into it. Here?s to praying that I may have a few more pieces to the puzzle in the next couple months.

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Dr. Rohde was helpful and hopeful. He was sympathetic to my struggles. He commended me for the research I have done, and the work I have put into my health. He applauded my current supplement regimen and told me I was moving in the right direction. After looking at my history he was confident that I likely have thyroid AND hormone issues? and that being on oral contraceptive has not helped with my mood issues?. he recommended that I start a B complex and says that will help my moods?.I am feeling hopeful?

What supplements are you on? It?s crazy how deficient we are in SO many key nutrients. Here?s what I am currently taking:

Vitamin D 5000 IU/Day
Omega-3 2g/Day
SAMe
Magnesium
B Complex

Tag: b complex, deficiency, dr. rohde, estrogen dominance, fish oil, Fitness, Health, high carb, hormone imbalance, hormones, intermittent fasting, irregular thyroid, livin' la vida low carb, low carb, magnesium, marathon, omega 3, oral contraceptive, Paleo, pcos, robb wolf, supplements, thyroid, underground wellness, vitamin d, weight gain, weight loss, wellness

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